Why is it always the simple things that make such an impact on me?

I got a new counselor at the Vet Center....I love him...and I'm so glad to be speaking to a man.  I had hoped, and was right, that he'd help me see things from a man's point of view.  Yesterday was the first time I met with him, and I can honestly say it's the first time in my life that I've walked out of a counselors office feeling fantastic. Usually when I leave whatever we've talked about makes me introspective and sometimes depressed.  So, I was afraid to go in yesterday, because I've already had a pretty depressing week. (probably self inflicted depression...I spent a lot of time making mountains out of mole hills recently)

Okay, so first of all, this guys smile was contagious.  We've all met people like him, those people that smile even when you are talking about horrible things, but somehow, it doesn't seem inappropriate at all.  Instead, I was hypnotized into smiling back.  GREAT start!

Second, he was also incredibly positive.  Not in an annoying cheerleader (no offence to REAL cheerleaders, it's cool when you're doing your thing!) kind of way. But for every negative thing I said, he had the "antidote" and it wasn't at all fake or pushed on me.  It just felt real....and darn it if it wasn't contagious too!

"ALL" I wanted out of that visit was for him to tell me HOW to talk to my husband so he'd actually hear me....okay, well in retrospect, that is insane...I mean, I've been seeing people for years now for the same reason, and I had no reason to believe it would be any different then.  But it was...it honestly was.

After I unloaded on this guy everything that has been bothering me since 2005 he started to look desperate himself.  He then did something no other counselor has done before, he said "what can I do to make you leave here TODAY feeling better" and I asked "How do I word this to my husband....I don't think I can take care of his needs, since he is unable to do it himself, and my family and maintain a full time job any longer. I've tried to speak to him about it several times, I've tried the crying approach, I've tried the detached unemotional approach, but he isn't hearing me, and I feel like I'm losing my family"

His response just felt RIGHT (paraphrasing here) "You said your husband gets up all night looking for anyone breaking in your home.  Put it to him in those terms.  Tell him PTSD is the thief coming in your home and robbing you of your happiness and family.  Tell him he couldn't fight the war alone, and he can't fight this alone.  Tell him you are standing on the front line with him on this instead of back in the rear.  Tell him an Army of one will always be defeated.  Speak to him like a soldier and a man, and he may not get it, but he will listen."

I walked out of there on cloud 9, because I KNEW he'd listen....I didn't know how he'd respond, but I knew that at least he'd finally hear me.  And he did.

It actually took a few days until he was in a mood that I knew I could approach him.  I said almost word for word what the counselor had said to me....and he listened.  Not only did he listen, he finally got it.  He understands why and how I feel helpless now, and that he needs a partner in this...that he can't do it alone.

Like always, it's not all better, and he's been a nervous wreck since we discussed it...and there is no plan of action yet either....we can only take baby steps...one big idea at a time is all he can deal with.  But he's calling HIS counselor tomorrow, and telling him he can speak to me about anything I ask....and I only want to speak to this man to tell him, my husband always puts his best foot forward when he's there with him...I want him to see what is going on from a point of view OTHER than my husband's.

On my own, I've applied for the care giver benefits, and I'm looking for a differnt (part-time) job....things are going to be very tight around here once that happens....and I've decided that I won't leave my current position until after Christmas unless a great opportunity comes up....but I finally see things moving in the RIGHT direction, instead of just moving without my guidance.  I feel empowered, and it's been a long time since I felt that way.